I remember how happy I was to see you walk in the door, the first time I saw you after the accident, and how nothing needed to be said.
I remember the incredible support you gave me the weeks before that.
Even though we had been disconnected before, I could not have felt more love and support from you; you were there in a way that most other people were not, and when I needed it most.
I love you so much.
I hate you for saying sorry too much, but I love you for every other part of you.
And for all the ways that you are unlike anyone else I know.
It rarely happens that someone brings up an experience, a memory, a moment that I don’t remember. But you have the most incredible knack for remembering tiny obscure details that fall between the cracks in my mind. Moments that weren’t moments because there wasn’t an actual action that happened, but it was a period in time that existed. Instead of the time that we were riding in the back of the car, facing the other way, I really love hearing the details you remember. I also think it shows how differently you see, experience, and remember things compared to most other people.
What I remember is:
“It burnssssss!”
Comfy jeans in bed the morning after Sam’s
SAMS.
Forgotten conversations
Turned into hilarious stories
The next day in the dressing room of Chadwick’s of London when you realized you had texted “Let’s stop beating around the bush and get it on” to your x-boyfriend the night before hahaha.
Watching In A World in the basement.
Sneaking out.
Getting caught, trying to sneak out, hiding in the bathroom downstairs at Leeward.
Karaoke my first time. And how no one realized how long the chorus and instrumental solo of Bust a Move goes for!
Rock Band. Gimme Shelter.
The tv room at Leeward and how you always used to walk in with a chocolate / chocolate Hagen Daaz bar you had gotten from the freezer, before I even knew you had come over.
Calling you on your birthday while you were self-decrepitly, “ironically, waiting in line for Plan B on the day of my own birth.” After you had come back from The Dead festival where you didn’t do shrooms with your dad, but you “did shrooms, while my dad also happened to be there, doing shrooms..”
Surprising Emily for her birthday in her room in NYC.
Arguing over which one of us would end up the crazy cat lady.
Deciding we would marry each other and adopt.
The three of us.
DM's.
Forever.
I can’t wait to read your great novels about us one day.
I remember- Seeing you walk in the door after your mom brought you home from the airport.
I had been crying hysterically on the bed alone for hours, and I felt so relieved to see you. That first full body hug you gave me on the bed.
Drinking Tea.
A Knight’s Tale.
So much love.
I’m here for you always.
No questions ask.
Thanks you for being here for me.
I love you endlessly.